Thursday, March 6, 2014

MOM Brea Part 1: The Diagnosis

I recently shared my personal story of miscarriage, and commented on how I have painfully watched far too many friends navigate through infertility and miscarriage.  My dear friend Brea is just one of those friends whom openly shared her journey while still on that painful path.  I understand that many choose to not talk about their experience for personal reasons, and I value their decision.  It is my personal belief that sharing and talking about these experiences, especially with others who have been there and can truly empathize, can be just one path to healing; a way to purge bottled-up emotions with which we don't know what to do.
Brea has been through far more than I, and my heart still aches for her and this specific time in her life.  She has agreed to share her experiences with all of you Momsters, and Brea and I both hope that her story can help bring healing and community to those who have walked this path themselves, and compassion to those who know someone who has.
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Let's start from the beginning...

Brea and her husband Cy met on Match.com in 2005 as a result of a dare.  Brea's friend "dared" her to set up a free 3-day trial, and it only took that long for Cy to find Brea and send her a message.  She wasn't taking this online dating too seriously, but explains how Cy's message stood out from the others she had received in those few days.  "...his was respectful and humble, so I went ahead and added him to MSN messenger.  We 'chatted' through MSN for hours, eventually graduating to the phone, and then finally meeting in Victoria B.C. several weeks later."

It's important to mention that Cy lived in Kirkland, WA, and Brea resided in Nanaimo, B.C., a 2.5-hour drive, a border crossing, and a 2-hour ferry ride away; not a quick trip across town.  Cy had been a Match.com "veteran" for some time already, when a crucial piece of this part of their story unfolded.  He made the decision to expand his profile search range...to Canada! 

Their meeting in person set off a romantic snowball that grew quickly to Cy promising he was going to marry Brea one day.  Brea laughed it off, but explains that "a year to the day we 'met' online, as we lounged in a hammock on the island of Kauai, he asked me to be his wife.  I, of course, said yes, and 9 months later we were married." 

My husband was already friends with Cy, through the saltwater aquarium hobby, and this is how I met Brea.  We attended their gorgeous cocktail party wedding and our friendship with the two has continued to grow over the years.
Brea and Cy on their wedding day, February 24, 2007
Like many newlyweds, there were a few things Brea and Cy wanted to do before they had children, but decided to "forgo birth control" and be ok with Brea getting pregnant if that happened before they were able to check off their pre-children bucket list.  The item topping their list was traveling around Europe, and that dream came true 2.5 years after they were married.  Brea had not become pregnant by this point, but didn't think much of it until after they returned home from their trip and actively began trying to conceive in August 2009.  Brea recalls when their journey to become parents began to take an unexpected path:
"It wasn't until later that year, while at a doctor's appointment (unrelated to conception and pregnancy) that [the doctor] asked me if Cy and I were going to have children.  As it turns out, that appointment changed the course of my life, and ultimately lead to an unexplained infertility diagnosis."
Having just turned 30, Brea was faced with the possibility that she may never have children of her own, and it was then that she truly realized just how much she longed to be a mother and how "desperately" she wanted children of her own.

 

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