Thursday, May 9, 2013

The Guilty Momma

Guilt.  It has somehow become a new accessory in my life now that I'm a mom. 
I feel guilty when I'm at work. 
I should be at home with my Sweetie Pie.
I feel guilty when I'm at home with Sweetie Pie. 
I really could be working. 
I feel guilty when I'm slacking on "chores" in order to play outside with Sweetie Pie on a nice day. 
But these moments are fleeting and I will miss them some day. 
I feel guilty when I put Sweetie Pie in her activity saucer with Dora and some snacks so I can do some chores.  The house is a disaster and things need to get done...and maybe some dinner needs to be made. 
I feel guilty when I take time for myself with a massage or a night out with a girlfriend. 
But momma needs some down time to avoid burnout.
I feel guilty when I go to the gym. 
I should be cleaning the floors.
I feel guilty when I stay home to get things done rather than go to the gym. 
I should be taking care of my health...and I long to see my abs again someday. 
I feel guilty when I spend money on something for myself. 
I should be putting that money away in Sweetie Pies college fund.
I feel guilty when I feed Sweetie Pie food from a jar. 
She will survive, and I think I'm too paranoid.
I feel guilty letting her "cry it out" for 10 minutes at 3:00 a.m. in the hope she will go back to sleep.  I don't want to deprive her of cuddle time...cuddle time I'm going to ache for when she's grown and away at college.  Oh wait, I don't want to think about this yet!
Life is no longer as I once knew it to be, yet this did not come as a surprise.  I was fully prepared for how drastic life would change once I became a momma.  Life is more tiring, more overwhelming, and yet it's SO MUCH BETTER when I get to see that adorable, six-tooth grin in the morning.  My mommy guilt feels like a little monkey on my back, a permanent distraction poking and pulling on my ears and testing my patience.  I am trying my best to find a balance and ignore the mommy guilt. 
If you are experiencing The Guilty Momma Syndrome, know that you are perfectly normal and not alone in your struggle.
I would love for you to please share what you do to keep a healthy balance in your life,
and I'm sure there are many other mommas reading this who could also use some advice and encouragement from someone who understands. 
Now, go take a glass of wine and a good book into the bath tub! 
Just don't fall asleep...I know how tired you are :)


  1. The guilt never really goes away, it just changes its focus. You feel guilty for telling them no, you feel guilty for snapping at them, you feel guilty for not playing all day with them. But the guilt just shows how you are trying your hardest to be the best mommy you can be. The guilt is a reminder of what is really important in life. And as life goes on, families get bigger, and babies grow up, you will need that reminder from time to time. No one is perfect, no one can do it all, but the guilt just proves that you are trying to do right by your baby. Turn that guilt into a manifestation of how much you love them, and that is all that they will remember.
    You are doing a wonderful job, Amanda. Trust me - Sweetie Pie will never doubt how precious she is to you.

    1. Thank you. I assume it will never leave and that it's a good thing in a way.

  2. AnonymousMay 10, 2013

    These words from Erma Bombeck are words to keep close to your heart. *They ring the bell of truth...

    If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.

    I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

    I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

    I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

    I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

    I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

    I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

    I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life.

    I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

    I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

    I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

    Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

    When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

    There would have been more "I love you's".. More "I'm sorrys" ...

    But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it ... live it...and never give it back.

    1. Agreed, "Anonymous". That is a great way to live life and truly cherish every moment we've been given! I'm just working on ignoring that "mommy guilt" when it creeps up.

  3. I keep the poem 'Oatmeal Kisses on my cabinet in the kitchen to remind me of what I have now and won't have forever. Time is fleeting.


I'd love to hear your thoughts!